Absolutely Incredible

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

water

I need water ...my soul needs water ...and everything I know says ...the water's right over there ...but I go there ...and I don't find water ...so I go everywhere else ...and I STILL don't find water ...and I just need some water ... so I pretend that I'm not really thirsty ...since there's no water ....and I watch TV ...and talk abt nothing ...but when all that is done ...man! I'm still thirsty ....
there's one place where I've been GUARANTEED water ...so I'm going to go back there ...and hope and pray that I find some ...and I'll just stay there till I get some ...bc all the other places don't make any promises ....
Hoping ... faith is the substance of things hoped for ...

Monday, June 23, 2008

the telemarketer and mr okoro

Ring.....Ring...Ring

Mr Okoro : Hello?

Telemarketer: Hi, this is Raheema calling from Hollywood Hereafter
Resources. I just wanted to let you know that your phone number was
randomly selected in a drawing and we have reserved a free burial
space for you at the New Island Cemetry in Bridge-

Mr Okoro: What?!!!

Telemarketer : If you would just give me your name and address. I want
to send you a letter to confirm the free burial space we have reserved
for you---

Mr Okoro: You reserved what for me.....A grave?

Telemarketer: A free burial space

Mr Okoro: What's the difference?

Telemarketer: Well the word "grave" can be scary sir, you can
disregard the letter if you don't want it. This is just a courtsey
call to---

Mr Okoro: So as a telemarketer, you can pick up the phone and cold
call people and pitch them with such offers?

Telemarketer:Well, yes sir. We always make sure it is something of
potential interest to them --

Mr Okoro: Of course, who wouldn't be interested in dying? I am
definately interested in a grave. I am. That is a very important
decision to make before die right?

Telemarketer: I agree with you sir. You are so open-minded about this. A
lot of people don't understand why it is so important to hand-pick
your final resting place before you pass on. It ensures you get the
kind of burial you want for yourself.

Mr Okoro: I see say na u dem send come

Telemarketer: I'm sorry? Send....come?

Mr Okoro: Oh, they don't use the witchdoctor in the village anymore
right? They have gone nuclear and now are using Americans. Na you dem
send come!

Telemarketer: I'm sorry sir, but i don't know what you are talking
about.

Mr Okoro: I get fillage too o! i be proper bush boy and my mama still
dey kampe for waterside. Na one phone call e go take and she go run go
fillage go get me gold circle condom protection, u hear. Una no dey
hear say e better for somebody? Why na so-so make una dey spoil person
own una dey like?

Telemarketer: I don't understand what you are saying--

Mr Okoro: You go understand by force. Na airmail i go take send winch
to you. You hear. Una tink say una know winch just because una dey do
halloween? You tink winch na dat abracadabra una dey do for America?
You tink na to chant poetry and cook soup with lizard yansh and frog
tongue be winch? I go show u where we dey use snake leg do ogbonge
juju. Black winch, red winch, multi-colored winch....for my fillage,
na your eyes i go take flavor the juju sef. You go know beta winch
when my own army land.

Telemarketer: I do apologize to you if my phone call has offended you
in any way-

Mr Okoro: You have not offended me. I am not offended. Do i sound
offended? Why would i be offended because you- kindhearted
telemarketer that you are- reserved a grave for me? Do you know how
old i am? 32 . In my country, people don't die at 32. When they die so
young, it is a major tragedy! My mother and father are still alive.
You want me to die before them?

Telemarketer: I didn't mean anything-

Mr Okoro: You people never mean anything when you make these stupid
phone calls. How dare u wish me death--

Telemarketer: No, that's not what --

Mr Okoro: I DON'T CARE!!! Do you know how many years i worked on
getting a visa to come to America? 10 Years....Ejioku.....10!. Do u
know how many laws i broke in so many countires before i found my way
here? I have been here only 2 yrs. All the pepole who gave me loans to
buy ticket and visa have not been paid. My mother and father are still
waiting for me to perform the magic of Dollars for them in Nigeria.
This telephone was just connected 2 months ago because i am just now
able to afford a telephone because i cannot make good money due to my
illegal alien status. And now, you want me to die before i can even
begin to enjoy a little,.....ah, your own don spoil o, i swear , e no
go betta for you.

Telemarketer: E no....what?

Mr Okoro: Na hand ya mama and papa go take bury you. And na them eyes dem go take cry for that yeye grave wey u don reserve for yaself.

Telemarketer: Are u cussing me sir?

Mr Okoro: cuss you ke? why should i? why would i want to cuss someone
who is offering me a grave? I am only reacting in my own local English.
That is how we behave when we are overwhelmed with joy in my country.

Telemarketer: I just had a distinct feeling that you were not saying
nice things about me.

Mr Okoro: See dis wowo wey craw-craw don chop him yansh
finish....Look, just aside, are all the members of your family
reserved space in your graveyard?

Telemarketer: Some of them do have--

Mr Okoro: No, don't stop there. You should get everybody a plot. I go
help you use juju finish all of them make una dey go do whassup dog
for Hollywood, abi na wey u dey call from

Telemarketer: I have to hang up now sir

Mr Okoro: Before you hang up, would you by any chance know anything
about a scam where telemarketers call people on the phone to assure
them a free burial space, and then try to get them expensive
mausoleums and crypts? What is it call? Bait and switch, right?

Telemarketer: I don't know what you're talking about.

Mr Okoro: You get pikin?

Telemarketer: get picking? picking what?

Mr Okoro: You get pikin? u don born bomboy? make you dash your pikin the grave now?

Telemarketer: Dash picking.....you're dissing me?

Mr Okoro: Diss? Dis one pass dis, agaracha. Dis one na K.I.S.S

Telemarketer: I have to hang up now sir

Mr Okoro: No, please wait. Let me reserve the whole cemetry for your
unborn children now. I will also reserve a full page in the Daily Times Obituary section--

Telemarketer: Thats mean! you can't talk to me like that just because
I am a telemarketer. We are people too

Mr Okoro: Yes, bad people....people who call to trick me at all kinds
of hours into buying something I don't want.

Telemarketer: I'm going to report you to the INS! You will be deported!

Mr Okoro: My juju go don finish you before you reach the place. Winch
pass winch! you no go die betta, i tell you. I go make sure u crase
first, make you waka enter k-mart abi wetin una dey call market for
dis side- before dem finish you!...... She reserve grave......why you no
take knife kill me yaself? E no go betta for ---hello? you hang up?
why u no wait make i finish ? why not wait? Oloshi! Na dead dog wey
get rabies go chop the mouth you take talk to me.
Oloshi... call me again tomorrow now...

Friday, February 01, 2008

I am not my hair

I am not my hair ...but in many ways ...I am actually. I AM my hair - full of life and energy; totally uncontrollable, with a mind of its own. If u can work with the challenge it presents: absolutely amazing, otherwise: exasperating. In good hands ...boundless, limitless ...totally. Maybe I WANT to be my hair :)

Hair that is not mine lol ok I have never ever subscribed to the weave idea ...I have taken great pride in the fact that the hair on my head grew out of my head and it looks damn good (most days)...but recently ...I bought a wig ...a crazy wig that's obviously not my hair (but some GIRLS thot it was!!!) and I think it's a liberating experience (yeah, I make everything deeper than it is) - but like cutting off all my hair ...rocking the hair that's mine cos I paid for it has a totally different feel. It's almost like - in allowing myself to be fine w/ the "paid for" hair ...I'm joining another group of women...almost like pledging lol cos I have let go off my preconceived notions about hair ...I have opened my mind to this other world...it's weird, I know, but it's kinda cool :)

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

I'm naming my children

1.Afolarin

2.Olambiwonu

3. Olaotan-olakusehin

Problem is these are 'guy' names ...and you KNOW I'm not tryna have 3 boys ...altho on some level it might be easier than having 3 girls ....but i'm not even planning to have 3 kids ....ok, I need to come up with middle names next :) I'm leaving the last name for later :)

Incase u missed it

cos it's on facebook

http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ee73e63418003b47d7d5

Omoba

Sunday, September 16, 2007

This is Lagos!!!

Ok, so we all love Lagos (if u don’t, you're just a hater). Recently I was talking to some Nigerians and I heard that when you're driving into Lagos, the “welcome” sign says “THIS IS LAGOS” as opposed to welcome to abakaliki or okokomaiko lol …ok as opposed to welcome to Ibadan or Warri …it’s like …this is it …u’ve heard abt it, it’s time to see it …THE destination …and I thot it just added to the flare of Lagos …cos think abt it …

If someone says …welcome, it’s like we’re gonna attempt to make u comfortable …we’ll do things a li’l different cos we want u to enjoy ur stay and come back again ….but THIS IS LAGOS …that’s like ….omo this is who we are …love it, hate it …come back if u like …but this is Lagos ….

And y’know …taking it home …I’m in this “THIS IS TEMITAYO” phase; yeah it’s beautiful to welcome ppl and make changes to accommodate them and everything …but you know what, this is ME …yeah, I’m in love with Donnie McClurkin and Denzel …I probably listen to more gospel than most ppl …I find country music entertaining/funny (I live in Nashville) and I do not have any idea what Kanye’s last album was. The good Lord loves me and I’m loving Him back …and I kinda enjoy that. God looks out for me like CRAZY, I’m learning to trust that when he says whatever, He’s actually on my side! lol I love kids and smiling ppl … gonna marry some guy some day just cos he won't stop smiling at me. I have wonderful friends …I like simple things, I’m a simple person (or so I tell myself) …

…anyhu …so like Lagos …this is Temitayo …love me, hate me …call me back if u like ….but this is me!

Peace!

Saturday, September 08, 2007

After a long hiatus ...

Temitayo's back :)
OK ..all they wanted me to do was create a new email addy b4 I could write ...and I stubbornly refused :) ....but I have to write so O can know what's up with me :) ....even tho we talk like 5 times everyday hehe but Cingular is really cramping our style sha o ....just removed all the rollover minutes like that!!! The devil is a liar.

SO how come I came back? What did I have to write that was so pressing hehe OK so I'm in an interesting place in my life right now ....kinda MIA cos I have to focus on my er ...career :) so I'm here in this single-minded place ... and then YOU show up!!! And y'know I'm like ....I shall not be distracted ...I shall focus ...b/c I have to...I'm FOCUSED. I have learned that I can't multitask ... one thing at a time ...but then u don't show up one day, ONE DAY ... and I'm all in a dither ... it's ok sha cos I'm not looking so good today ...hopefully I'll be a fine girl again by tomorrow ...

All the stuff that happened while I was away ...you don't even need to know ...I did have a very interesting birthday tho ...I think God was laughing...b/c it was the funniest thing ....
it was like if I said
...God, I really really really more than anything else want a beautiful green dress for my bday ...
and God says ...
hmm, that's all u want...sure?
me:yup!

.... and then all of a sudden there's beautiful green dresses on sale everywhere ...but then they have like waist-high slits ... or the back is so low it's showing off butt-crack ...

and then I'm like ...ok God, it's fine ... it's not about a green dress ...it's just abt having a happy bday ...so I burst the dress ...and had a really sweet day ...but it was funny!

Monday, January 29, 2007

W-E-L-L ....

Lately I'm beginning to see that I am not so different from most people around me - CO5 and ppl can tell u abt my separationist theory ...it doesn't matter that the entire world thinks the world is round ...seriously, what do they know? I think it's oblong .... I just had this deep, deep desire to be different from everyone and everything around me and I kinda grew up with it ...I was like above all the things that made ppl tick (yes, I shake my head at myself) and the things that made me tick were on a totally totally different level ....

BUT since I gave up crack recently :) and I'm beginning to see things more clearly ... I'm understanding and able to identify :) hehe with the things that make my fellow humans tick lol
I thot it was completely ludicrous that ANYBODY would ever buy any kind of clothes cos they were "in" ...like WHO made them in, why do we care what they say ..... and then when they come up w/ a new idea we all just follow like foolish olodos ... just giving examples of my extreme ideas ...

anyhu .... I see me more like the other ppl now :) and it's ..not a bad feeling.